Sleepy Kelsey Have Trouble Doing the Writing Thing

I left my Fitbit at home today by mistake, but I learned that you can sort of enter in a rough guess by logging it as exercise. So I probably underestimated the amount, but guessing about 4,000 steps is better than losing all the steps I managed today.

I’m already super tired and it’s only a little after 6 p.m. I am going to guess it was all the exercise, since I haven’t exercised very hard for over a week. Today, I walked for just over an hour, and while it felt great to get moving, it definitely decided to make me tired. Maybe that means I’ll sleep really well tonight. That would be wonderful.

My mom threw a fit over the fact that we didn’t cook her mushrooms today for pizza. My sister and I went out to buy stuff for our pizzas, and I forgot that she mentioned having mushrooms. So my sister cooked her package of mushrooms instead. When my mom found the unopened pack of mushrooms in her refrigerator, she immediately went, “Well now my mushrooms are going to go bad!”

So yeah, my dad had to start yelling back. I went and hid in my bedroom where I don’t have to deal with their crap. It is better that way… well, for me, haha.

I’m currently listening to a Vlogbrothers video about what boys look for in girls, and it is deeply interesting to hear how heterosexual women alter themselves to be attractive. He says something along the lines of how women are taught that their value is determined by men. As someone who has personally struggled with this concept, I felt a strong connection to the talk here.

Yeah, that’s all I have. Like I said, tired.


Life Is a Mixed Bag

So I live in a relatively large town/small city of about 45,000 people. Crime is extremely unusual. I follow the local paper on my Facebook and they reported that a body was found in a pond maybe a mile from my morning job. At first it was a possible body but it evolved to a death investigation.

I was a Sophomore in high school when the World Trade Center terrorist attack occurred. At that moment, I had a realization. Very few places in the world are safe. It became none on 2/14/2008, when I was an undergraduate student at Northern Illinois University. If there are readers who don’t know why that date and location are important, there was a shooting at Northern Illinois University on that date.

The world isn’t a safe place. You never know what kind of scary, dark things are going to occur, even in your own backyard.

This is a morbid beginning to my entry, I know, but it is something I want to tackle today. I think it is super important to recognize this reality while understanding that the world is complex. Even amongst all the shitty things, there are some beautiful, wonderful things.

For instance, today is actually my mother’s birthday. Also, in 1865, this was the day that the last slaves were emancipated. So, every date has a mixed bag of events, just like life. We will all find ups and downs in this world. There will continue to be violence and terrors beyond imagination. But there will be love and kindness beyond measure to temper it.

Even as the darkness happens, remember that nothing is permanent, and that there is light on the other side.


Digital Plants, a Possible Return to All the Social Media, and Things That Just Feel Good

I wanted to let you guys know that I have broken the 30 followers mark, and I am super appreciative. I try to make sure I return your follow. If I haven’t, please don’t be offended; I merely missed returning your follow or couldn’t return your follow, depending on the situation. Also, if that is the case, comment on this entry, and I will be sure to figure out how to return your follow. After all, if you are willing to follow all my silliness, I will sure as hell return the favor you are doing to me.

I’m considering a return to Twitter and Instagram. Honestly, I mostly go on Twitter to occasionally check what the White House resident has to amuse me on that particular day, but I may try to put some humor and inspiring shit on there. Of course, I want to adjust to working my two jobs first before I decide how much or little I want to commit to my social media presence.

Hell, maybe I’ll even try a hand at vlogging. I already have a YouTube account for this name.

I also wanted to talk about an app that I’ve been using to drink more water called Plant Nanny. It’s sort of adorable. It was free to download, although I think it has in app purchases and a few ads here and there. Basically, you log your water consumption with the idea that you achieve the goal they give you. As you drink, you water your plant, which helps it grow. Once it grows up, you plant it in your garden, where it will award you with seeds that you can use to “purchase” things like special pots, other types of plants, or backgrounds. Here’s Google Play’s link and here’s Apple’s iTunes version, you know, in case you’re interested in using it on your own. Oh, and here is the link to the actual app’s website.

Before my phone decided to die, I was up to about 6 or 7 plants, because it takes about 5-ish days for them to grow up. Oh, and you get to name them, which is fun. Currently, I have Hubert the Dandelion and am working on Luna the Cactus. Hubert was a free plant while I think it took 3 seeds to get Luna. I might know way too much about this app, but that’s ok.

Last night, I managed to fall asleep without issue and slept relatively comfortably through the night. I love when that happens because I just feel so much better the next day. That applies to everyone who does it, though. We all feel more normal when we get the kind of sleep we should be getting.

So I am now going to venture out and enjoy my day off relaxing and doing probably as little as possible. It’s highly likely I will have very few of these in the coming months, so I am going to enjoy while I can.


Almost Forgot!!

It is 10 p.m. here. I am tired as all fucking get out but I remembered that I didn’t write an entry. 

My dad asked me to drive him to the gas station to get cigarettes. He said he only had a couple beers. In reality, it might be over a dozen. Drinking is likely going to kill him, and that is his reality. 

We had some more storms roll through here. Nothing like the other day where parts of my small city were actually submerged in knee deep water, but there was certainly a good amount of rain. 

The meal I prepped yesterday turned out great. It wasn’t very soupy but more like a stew. Still it was delicious, and I hope to make it again, soon. Maybe with some pictures to detail it and shit like that.

Anyway, I wanted to do a quick entry to make sure I kept up my goal. I will write a bit more tomorrow. Until then,


Saturday Dinner Prep, Sarcasm, and Subtext

I am actually prepping dinner for tomorrow now. It is a crock pot meal that I read about a dozen different recipes to inspire myself.

It required me to take Italian sausage out of the casings. And why do empty casings feel remotely like condoms? I know originally they were typically made using the intestines (which is the traditional method of making sausage), but I personally don’t know if that’s the case with most prepackaged sausage these days. 

Anyway, as you can see on my dirty fucking stove top, I browned sausage. This was mid process because I used the wooden spoon to take my frustrations out on the poor mysterious remains of hopefully animal. 

Haha, thank you html mode!! I was hardcore struggling getting past the image to talk more. Anyway, the end result should be a sausage and tortellini soup in a sort of cream/broth hybrid and loaded with all sorts of veggies. Oh, and garlic because I am an anti-vampire and need garlic to live.

And thank God I fucking edited that last line because it tried to change vampire to abortion. I really need to figure out how to remove auto-correct on my phone because holy shit. At least it doesn’t correct my swears because fuck that shit. Freedom of speech ‘Murica! 

I hope my rather dry, sarcastic humor translates well. My life is a string of one facetious comment after another, and sometimes, I get my ass in trouble because people don’t always get that I don’t actually believe some of the shit I say and merely say it to illuminate reality in a comic way. 

Being an internally tortured soul does come with an awesome sense of humor. 

And about 99.9 percent sure my drunk mother is talking to herself or the dogs. 

Correction, she is talking to a cat and maybe our next door neighbor. Still drunk off her ass. At least I got that part right. 

In other news, I received validation in the form of a comment. When I was talking to a co-worker about having our company’s insurance as a part-time, I said I don’t like to talk about it. 

The co-worker immediately motioned in the direction of my ex-friend and I nodded. Co-worker then said, “He can be such a jerk and I want to tell him to grow up.” 

It was like I finally had someone who went, “Yes that wasn’t you imagining things. We see it, too.” 

Suddenly, it was clear. He’s a boy in a man’s body. I kept suggesting to him that there was always a choice, that he didn’t have to be any certain way. But I also know that I wouldn’t have bothered so much if I didn’t think a desire to change existed.  

Maybe that’s why I don’t let go as much as I should. As days pass, though, I know he wants to stay in his rut, to whine and complain and moan instead of trying to be that man that I think he wants to be underneath it all. And, as hard as it is to sit back and let him tear himself apart, I know I have to let him do it. 

Fuck. That was sort of really insightful. I might be growing up.


Random Blabbing When You Don’t Know What to Talk About

I have no idea what to write today. I can tell you what I am up to right at this moment. Currently, I am obviously writing this, trying to finish up my Swagbucks goal for the day, while listening to Nick Pitera do a medley of Hamilton. If you’ve never listened to Nick Pitera, he is truly amazing. He has a ton of videos and medleys on YouTube, and they’re fantastic.

So I made this barbecue pork meat that turned out pretty decent. I told my mother she could have some, but I am sort of worried that there may not be leftovers because it doesn’t seem like it’ll stretch as far as I need it for as many people as it needs to feed. That’s my other food problem; sometimes, I just don’t know how much of a thing to make to assure that everyone gets properly fed.

Of course, maybe I care more than I should, but it makes me feel good to take care of people.

I suffered a minor bit of road rage, today. When driving home from the grocery store with my mother (I only had to buy a couple things to supplement dinners and such), I was caught behind this pickup truck that had a few ornamental bushes in the bed. They were properly tied down, so it didn’t seem like much of a concern.

However, this individual was driving approximately 10-15 mph below the speed limit at every instance. I thought maybe I would have a chance to get ahead of him after turning from a traffic light, but other drivers had this idea that they wouldn’t speed up until the very last minute, leaving me stuck behind the bush truck for practically all of my 8 mile trip home.

At one point, I am pretty sure I threatened the use of fire on these bushes. I understand caution, but there was no reason, based on the amount of securing present, that this particular driver couldn’t have managed the speed limit with these precious fucking bushes. I tried reminding myself that it might have been ignorance and not stupidity dictating these actions, but sometimes it is hard when you want to merely drive at the posted speed limit.

Of course, minus the burning bush threat, I was quite tame. And ha! Burning bush! Look at how punny I am!

With that, I am heading to bed, keeping this entry super short so that I can get some sleep in before work tomorrow.


How I Manage to Relate Both Altruism and Overspending in an Entry

I think I overbought food last week, because I still have a ton of food in my refrigerator and tomorrow is technically grocery day. It’s a good problem to have… except for the fact that it means that I am overspending when I clearly shouldn’t be. So this coming grocery week, I have made myself a challenge to either empty, or mostly empty, the refrigerator. I think this means that I have to plan out my meals and what I plan on doing with said meals. That honestly might be rough for me, because, as much as I love to be organized, I have a hard time applying that concept to my own life. Hence, I have a refrigerator that still has a lot of food in it.

The good news is that I managed to use up a lot of vegetables. I’ve basically eaten all my carrots, the dip I bought to go with said carrots (which says it’s for men, but I ignore that shit and do what I want), and I’ve already been digging in to my spinach and lettuce kit.

I’ve also been managing to get rid of some of my quinoa, so instead of a full, giant container, I also have half a container. That means I am getting better at not being so wasteful with food, and maybe figuring out exactly how much I eat in a given week, which is not nearly as much as I thought it was, clearly.

Yes, I have a ways to go, but I am learning!

I’m trying to also figure out dinner solutions, since most of us work a good chunk of the day. My sisters both work second shift at their respective jobs. I will be working part-time at two jobs starting around June 26th. So, I am planning recipes out so that we can all manage to have something to eat other than frozen meals all the time.

I think our slow cooker is about to get a ton of love. Hopefully, this won’t be at the expense of my waistline, because I put a lot of work into reducing it these past couple of months. It would be a shame to lose all that progress.

This entry is definitely about food, mostly because I think food is important. That’s probably why I weigh as much as I do. But really, food is fucking important to us not dying. Maybe not as important as staying hydrated and breathing, but still, we cannot live forever without food. Plus, food is fucking delicious, and so many people take for granted how privileged we are to have such easy access to it.

That’s not to shame us or to say that we don’t have issues with food. We do. As a world, we have people who have too much food, and people who don’t have enough. Even within countries like the United States, we have kids that are going hungry because their parents cannot afford food.

And yes, once in a while, I think about things like this, because, depressing as it is, it reminds me that there is a reason I like to give when I can. Not enough of us look out for one another in a world where you’re told to look out for number one. Call it a bit optimistic (i.e. delusional), but I do think that if we took time to look out for one another instead of just ourselves all the time, the world would be a much better place.

Of course, here I am writing about that on a blog that is centered around talking about me and my life. While I’ve discussed how self-care and selfishness are not the same thing, I really haven’t discussed whether self-centered behavior and concern for others can coexist. Honestly, I think they can, and they do in every person.

For instance, some people do good for others because it makes them feel good to help other people. It’s a self-centered reason, but the fact that there is a desire to help exemplifies a concern for others. So I wouldn’t necessarily throw that example strictly into the “self-centered” or the “altruistic” category. Sure, it might be more self-centered in nature, but it still shows care for someone other than the self.

Well, I am going to cut it off here. Until tomorrow,