Fuck. I think I still want him. Why? He doesn’t want me. He isn’t good to me, and he sure as hell doesn’t make the kind of effort he should to deserve me.
I know all these things… and yet, I still want him. Why? What does he offer me?
Heartache. Sometimes humor. Once in a great while, he might compliment me. Negativity. The fact that he is probably half of why I’m super fucked up these days.
Maybe it’s because he doesn’t value himself. I mean, if he thinks he does, he’s wrong. You cannot possibly value yourself if you think that you are too broken to be with another person. Or are willing to use someone for sex that you know has feelings for you…
Do I pity him? Would that make me a bad person if I do pity him?
I think I want to save him… because here I am, this intelligent, kind woman who has plenty of sass but a lot of love. It’s like giving up on him is accepting failure… telling him that he is allowed to feel like he has no value. And I can’t do that. I can’t let someone think they mean nothing.
Would he do the same for me?
That’s where I’m not sure.