Well, I know where my money is going. Unsurprisingly, it’s to interest, so I am lining other people’s pockets… not my own.
Well, one of the store charges I could argue is paying me… but really it’s like I’m paying them back for paying me. I don’t think that’s the way this is supposed to work.
This wouldn’t make me feel bad if it weren’t for the fact that these are probably people who don’t deserve my money, when you sit down and think about it. Is that interest helping someone get treatment they desperately need for a disease? No. It is likely most of that is going to people who already have more money than they will ever need.
It creates this huge moral dilemma in me, because I am essentially throwing away money to things I don’t value at all. So I have to tip this balance back towards me so I can put it to the places and situations where it will hopefully do more good.
How did I figure this out?
I made a credit card register. I put interest charged into this sucker, and all the sudden, I could see all those payments going, “POOF!”
Funny how making a paper trail (even in electronic format) elucidates all your problems. You can’t deny a paper trail. While numbers can be manipulated to fit agendas, it’s rare that these numbers actually lie to you.
I think that’s why I’ve been dreading this level of accountability. It’s hard to stay ignorant once it’s all in front of you. Once every penny is tracked, you realize that you are the problem you need to fix. It’s sobering.
Now how the fuck do I turn this back in my direction? Can I cut credit card spending so that I don’t keep creating the same problem? If I do use credit cards, can I do it in such a way that I am still improving my financial situation?
Basically… can I fix this?
I really fucking hope so.