Long Days and Needing People

I’ve been running around all day. I woke up at about 2:45 A.M. and went to my first job. They provided food, so I ate lunch there. Then, I went to the gym, showered while at said gym, and came home. Once I got home, I tried to use Swagbucks for the nearly 90 minutes I was home (while doing about a billion other things to get ready to work tomorrow). Yeah, didn’t get far.

Got to second job, and did my four hours there. I’ve been home for the past 30 minutes, and all I can say is thank fucking God I only have to do four hours at each job tomorrow.

I don’t know how the hell people do this with a full-time and part-time job. I’m honestly struggling with just the two part-time jobs. Some of them even have kids while they do this kind of shit and I’m like, “Fuck, I cannot even manage myself!”

Seriously, if you know anyone like that… or if you are someone like that. I really give you a shit ton of credit. This is really fucking hard.

Just today, I had managed to grab a couple boxes for my sisters from my first job. However, I definitely left them at said job. My mind is shot from the sleep deprivation. I’m trying very hard to stay focused and on top of things.

That might be the next thing I have to learn: how do I keep the mind sharp when I am not getting the amount of sleep I should be getting?

Yes, I use caffeine. The plan is most definitely not to increase my caffeine intake… unless it is absolutely necessary. I need an additional item to increase that feeling of alertness.

I’ve also realized that I would love to get a massage… and I never thought I’d say that. Normally, the idea of a stranger touching me makes me excruciatingly nervous. Lately, though, I am so tired and sore that I will happily take a professional touching me. You know, especially if it’ll calm some of these aches and pains.

Maybe I need to open my mind to some of this stuff. I’m so used to feeling like I’m alone that I think it makes me nervous to put myself in a situation that means that I have to rely on someone else. I should start figuring out how to fight that because I know a lot of my stress comes from the fact that I feel like I have nobody I can rely on.

I would want people to rely on me. Maybe I need to meet them halfway.

Kels

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