I am falling off the healthy lifestyle wagon just a bit. My water consumption is still decent, but I am not exercising much. We won’t even talk about my diet other than I had two… yes two… cupcakes for breakfast. Yes, breakfast of motherfucking champions right there.
I don’t feel like I have time to cook, because when I am off, I am sleeping in late. That is probably worse for me than trying to keep a somewhat consistent sleep time, but it’s almost as though I’d be worse if I didn’t sleep in. So, I go for the cheapest options on convenience food… which, let’s face it. Those typically aren’t very healthy.
Maybe I should look into doing meal prep. My problem is that I love variety in my foods, and I don’t want to be spending the kind of money necessary just to feed myself some different food every single day. The reason I got a second job was to afford my current expenditures, not create more. It’s something I definitely have to figure out.
I also am not entirely sure where my time is going. You’re supposed to sleep between 7-9 hours a day, right? Ok, so let’s say I sleep about 7 1/2 on days off from first job. I work 4 hours at one job and usually between 4 and 8 at the other. So, that’s between 8-12 hours. At most, we are talking about 15 1/2 out of 24 hours.
We can honestly subtract about an hour on days that I have to travel back and forth between home and work twice. Also, probably about 2 hours for food and hygiene for my entire day. That brings us to 18 1/2, which means there’s still 5 1/2 hours I cannot account for each day. What am I doing? Am I wasting the hours? How am I using them? Can I justify whatever I’m using them for?
I mean, I’m sure I can partially, because it can take me about 30 minutes to an hour to write this entry, sometimes. Other days I can pop this out in 15 minutes. Either way, I’m still having time go somewhere that maybe it shouldn’t… or maybe it should. I don’t know since I’ve never really assessed how I actually use my time. It might be something I should start doing.
I’ve realized what irritates me the most at my new job. The older guy constantly taking things over when I’m struggling. Yes, I am going to struggle. It’s stuff I haven’t had to do to this level before… but honestly, let me struggle. Let me figure it out so that I don’t have to ask for help anymore.
Also, he doesn’t do that to the young guys, just me. Maybe he isn’t trying to be sexist, but that is exactly what sexism is. It is treating me differently simply because I have a second X chromosome. If he was doing this to the guys, I wouldn’t be pissed off. But he isn’t. It’s just me, like I need to be saved or I am going to injure myself.
For the men who do this… If you want to understand why women like me get so damn frustrated with you all the time, look at the way you treat us comparatively to men who might be of the same level. Do you treat us the same or do you treat the women differently because of the fact that we are women? That is likely to be the source of our frustration. We want to determine our limits and ask for help once we’ve determined we aren’t capable of doing it on our own.
If you pounce before that point, we are going to assume you’ve determined that we were incapable. You took the power of setting our own limits from us and put it in your hands. Would you respond well if we did that to you? Didn’t think so. So fucking stop it.
For the record, the opposite also pisses me off. When women at my other job expect the men to lift all the heavy shelves simply because they’re men and women are never as strong as men… That fucking bothers me, too. I don’t see it as a one-way street. Some men might not be able to lift those heavy shelves, too.
The funny part is this guy keeps coming to work with me. I am starting to get snippy with him every time he does these things, because I really don’t know how to articulate this whole, “Let me do my own thing and come to you for help because it pisses me off that you keep taking over on me.”
Let me do things. Is that too much to ask?