I’ve noticed something about myself. I’m not as extroverted and talkative as I used to be. Spending time with my friends used to be the way I recharged and felt reinvigorated towards life. Now, people stress me out. They’re bitchy, angry, and irritating more often than they are lovely.
It sort of makes me sad to feel that way, because most people don’t suck. As a collective, we might be pretty shitty, but individuals can be pretty great. But I’d rather be quiet and alone than enjoy the journey of getting to know another human.
Maybe this is why I’m so moody. I still feel that disconnect between who I am now and who I am normally. While there is always the chance that I’ve changed, I think that this is more a “hurt too many times and pulling back” scenario.
Of course, I don’t think it’s bad if I want to be alone. Overall, it’s a very good thing that I am not afraid of being by myself or that I don’t need to be nice all the time if I don’t really feel like talking to people. Sure, it might make people think I am a mean person or a bitch or whatever, but I shouldn’t be forced to speak simply to save face.
Who knows? This could just be a phase I am going through, and eventually, I will get back to wanting to be around other humans. If not, I don’t think it has to be some sort of depressing “loss of self” thing. People change all the time, and maybe this is how I’ve changed thanks to the things that have transpired since my mid-20’s.
So, to answer the question in my title: no, in this particular way, I do not believe anything is wrong with me at this point in time. If this comes to a point where I think I might need to be concerned, I will concern about it, then. Until then, though, I am going to adapt to this.
Have I talked about this before? Damnit. I fucking think I have. Well, I’m talking about it again because I’m not about to rewrite this, haha!
And with that realization, I think it is time for me to sleep.