Easy to Understand and Hard to Do

So, I know that working two jobs is good for me. I know that it is good for my income, which is good for getting me to actually reach above the poverty line (Well, before student loans), which will help me at least decrease my debt. This, in turn, will make me a lot less stressed about paying for things, because I will actually be able to buy things like food and gas for my car.

I also don’t like to complain, especially if it’s things that I’ve actively decided to do for myself, and that I know come with good things for me. Two jobs= good for Kelsey.

But Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker, I am tired. The kind of tired that makes me cranky to the point I act like a brat over putting away shoes… which is sort of part of one of my jobs. The same kind that makes me argue over something stupid like the time a break started. I know it is only because I’m tired and stressed out, but it causes so much mini-mayhem in my life.

I say mini because it’s not like I’m fucking robbing banks or burning down houses. I’m just being a little bit of a brat about really stupid things.

I actually took the time to apologize because I was being a brat about something I knew was absolutely trivial. I’m not even sure the person noticed I was being a brat when I said, “No” over a fucking cart of shoes. I was, and I was sort of trying to pass it off as joking. I wasn’t, because I thought the task was being delegated so another person could slack off. It made me mad.

It actually makes me feel a bit guilty to talk like this, and I think I’ve discussed that on here before. It’s like I feel as though I shouldn’t or can’t complain. Of course, just as I said then… it’s ok to complain. It’s ok to be displeased and to want things to change for the better.

I’m pretty sure I also added that it’s ok so long as you’re also trying to change on your own as well. If not, I’m saying it now. After all, some things don’t change. Some people don’t change, because they believe they can’t.

Those are the ones where their complaining makes me feel guilty. I don’t want to be one of them. I don’t want to settle in to bitching incessantly about everything.

However, I think that I take it to the other extreme and think that I can never complain. Because, you know, if I want to be the opposite of incessant bitching, I have to be delusional and oblivious to everything that is wrong in the world.

Yeah, in case you weren’t aware of the obvious… That’s a disaster. All you do is end up bottling up all your stress and letting it out in small streams of bratty behavior (Well, we know that’s what I do). That might be almost as uncool as the constant complainer. So much alliteration in the past couple sentences.

I deal in extremes, and I know it’s a bad idea. It puts so much pressure on me, and that stresses me out. Then, I do stupid shit. I am pretty sure my problem is that fucking simple, and it literally means that all I  have to do is stop expecting so damn much.

Why does it seem like 99% of life fits into the, “Easy to understand but impossible to implement” column of life?



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