Why Aren’t Money Trees a Real Thing?

I’m waiting on my first paycheck from my new job. Today was payday there, and I know sometimes it can be delayed for new employees. So, basically, I am trying my hardest not to panic about it.

However, my bank account and bills are desperate for that chunk of change. I try to stay at least two weeks to a month ahead of my minimum due amounts. Then, anything extra goes to my top financial priority. Well, because I haven’t earned $200 a week since February, the extra disappeared way too fast.

Yes, I am grateful to still be employed and to have at least a little money. However, I’ve never been at the point where I am going, “I’m not sure I’m even living paycheck to paycheck anymore.”

I don’t know if any of you have ever had this feeling… but it is honestly terrifying. It makes me feel a little like I might suffocate under the weight of the desperation. And I fucking hate it. I don’t like to feel like I am out of control, and at this point, I am out of control.

I’m trying to do what I can, earn where I can, pull from what little savings I do have. Even those resources are dwindling, and I am not entirely sure I have a plan C in the instance that plan B fails.

The good thing is that from using this site called Achievemint (I believe this here is my referral link, if you decide you’re interested. Oh, I do think it’s a U.S. only thing for redemption, but I could be wrong). Basically, the site allows me to link my Fitbit Charge 2 and I get points for things like the number of steps I take or the sleep it tracks. When I log my food into My Fitness Pal, it will also count that, since I linked that account as well. Once you get 10,000 points, you get to redeem it through PayPal and another thing like that (sorry, forgot the name).

Anyway, thanks to very little effort on my part (Well, I mean, as far as entering shit into a site), I just cashed out $10. Granted, it took me almost a year to get that. However, I really didn’t need to do more than let my Fitbit track things for me, so I am certainly content with earning that. It won’t get me far, but it’s $10 I didn’t have before.

The sort of humbling thing about being in financial dire straits is that you get super appreciative of things like earning $10 through your Fitbit. Every dollar that can get you out of that hole is a good dollar.

Honestly, that is what optimism is about for me. Recognizing the shitty situation, but remembering to appreciate the tiny little things that help get you out of your desperate situation.

It’s never easy to be optimistic. I think that’s the secret to it, the knowledge that it isn’t easy to stay optimistic. That sometimes you will go through your own personal hell to try to stay there. The work is worth it, though. At least, that’s what I keep trying to tell myself so I don’t give up on it.

The good news is that I am off from both jobs, tomorrow, so I can actually enjoy a day off. Yay for me!



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