So this happened:
Yeah, it looks like something terrible, right? The funny thing is it’s actually just a long but narrow cut that I managed to get from a large, black plastic frame. My ass has needed to get rid of this motherfucker for well over a year.
I think today is expediting that process because ain’t nobody get to cut this bitch and get away with it. So yeah, this is to help it in the process of not bleeding anymore.
Sometimes, things look worse than they are, and I think that you can tell what kind of person someone is based on their reactions. We all have this ability to at least occasionally get worked up about things that shouldn’t be a big deal. I know I do it relatively often in an emotional aspect, which sometimes causes me to dramatize things that really don’t need that much attention.
I also think that’s a learned behavior. Maybe it’s through positive reinforcement or the way we imitate as children. Perhaps it’s a collaboration of both those things. Mostly, I don’t think we are born with this flair for drama.
On the other hand, I think we do have a certain attraction to drama as a species. How many of you can drive past a traffic accident and not look while you likely have to slow down to pass it? Or peek out the window when you hear a neighbor couple arguing?
I think our curiosity attracts us to drama, because, good or bad, we like excitement. Drama is just one form of excitement, and I think a lot of us are at least minimally attracted to that.
It only becomes a problem when it becomes a way of life. When you become so involved in it that everything becomes a drama. That’s the way I lived, and still sort of live.
It’s also the biggest selfish reason I have to write this. I want to change this and not be a slave to the mindset that makes everything more dramatic than necessary. When I write, I can analyze. The left brain gets in there and goes, “Look at the evidence. Think of the alternatives. Was your reaction reasonable to the action?”
In short, I think writing makes me a better person. It gives me clarity of mind, of heart… And, most importantly, I feel more compassion towards myself.
I think my next step is to learn how to articulate feelings verbally. If I can figure out how to vocalize with ease, I will save myself a world of pain. Also, maybe I won’t be so awkward about feelings and shit like that.