While part two of my story is waiting in the wings as I write this, I decided to detour from posting that today, and writing something different to sort of break things up. I have to admit, it feels good getting the story out and being honest with myself about how these things gave me every right to fall apart. It doesn’t make me weak; it makes me human.
Plus, I know the later half of this week is going to be a bit crazier than the early portion. So if I have some entries waiting, then I can come back through later and simply post them. That will be a huge time saver, and it will give you guys some reading material of the Kelsey Tell kind.
So what did I want to detour my story to tell you? I wanted to actually talk about dating and relationship advice. The other day, I was scouring YouTube, and Matthew Hussey videos were popping up in my recommended videos. I decided to watch some.
Now, before I express my opinion, I wanted to explain my viewpoint on what relationship and dating advice typically says. First off, that whole “be yourself and someone magical will find you?” That’s fucking bull shit. You have to interact with people in order to meet the “magical one.” Which brings me to the other part of my opinion… I don’t really know if there is necessarily a “one.”
Also, I think it is fucking idiotic to say you have to completely sit on the sidelines as a woman and let the man do all the chasing. You have to let him decide that he is interested in you? Fuck that shit.
That’s not to say that you shouldn’t keep an element of the chase. The chase is a bit exciting, and honestly, we come from hunters, so naturally, we like to return to that nature any way we can. I think that especially applies to men. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a woman saying, “Hi” first and letting the man know she at least notices.
So let’s talk about how Matthew Hussey’s advice shapes up to my belief. It matches, and he gives the kind of advice that can help me figure out how to build upon what I already believe. That’s fucking beautiful. Sure, he constantly promotes his books, retreats, and whatever the fuck else he does… but you know, that’s how he can continue giving even some of his advice for free, so I accept that he will do self-promotion in there. It’s not like I’m obligated to buy anything.
Also, I think a lot of what he suggests isn’t just for heterosexual women. It is pragmatic and can apply across the board. Gay, straight, bisexual, transexual… all of us seeking a relationship with another human being and wanting to know how not to fuck up every single time.
That’s what I find interesting. We often like to think that men and women are nothing alike. Shit like “Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus” exists because we are very good at focusing on the “us v. them” mentality.
However, I’d like to think that we have a lot more in common than we realize. I think, at the end of the day, we all like to be treated well. We like to be complimented, to be loved, to be cared about. There are many different ways to express this, and they may vary from person to person, but I think, fundamentally, we all respond well to certain patterns and behaviors when it comes to pursuing relationships. And I think Matthew Hussey’s advice builds on that premise, which is what makes it so damn useful.
Most importantly, though, his advice also builds upon the idea of self-improvement, not in that flowery, Law of Attraction sort of way. Granted, I think the Law of Attraction holds some merit, since I feel attitude holds a lot of power. Let’s be honest, though; even the most optimistic of people will have some horrible shit happen to them, and it can be really fucking hard to overcome that. The Law of Attraction won’t stop life from at least occasionally fucking you over.
The inevitability of crappy shit happening doesn’t mean you have to give up. Instead, it means you have to figure out what you can learn from this, and how that will cause you to grow as a person. I’d call that being a pragmatic optimist, which I think might be the ideal form of realism.
Anyway, I think you all can expect part two tomorrow. Thank you for continuing to witness my journey through my daily blogging, 🙂