Holding Myself to My Standards

I was finally brave enough to ask my former friend about what I was told. That he threw me, as well as other supposed “work friends” under the bus, requested my hours be less than his, and that I not get hours in a specific area. He did suggest that he wouldn’t ask that I not get hours in a specific area, and he asked when specifically he threw work friends under the bus. However, he did not deny the part where he requested that I get fewer hours than him.

So, I don’t know if that part is true or false. If it’s true, though, I’ve come to the conclusion that it really has nothing to do with me. I cannot control it if he feels that’s an appropriate way to handle things, just like I cannot control it when he loses his temper. That’s all on him, and I shouldn’t feel bad.

I also spent time wondering if he actually believed me. Then, I realized, that doesn’t matter, either. At the end of the day, I did the right thing, and I can be proud of myself for being able to hold to my convictions of giving people the benefit of the doubt rather than jumping to conclusions based on what someone else told me.

Does he deserve my kindness? Probably not… but I’ll be kind, anyway. Because I’m a classy motherfucker like that.

It does scare me a little that he might rat me out for telling him or throw a huge fit and rat me out with his insane temper. I am taking a huge leap of faith on the assumption that he has a little bit of integrity. We shall see.

I didn’t tell him everything, either. Instead, I gave him the option to come to me if he wanted to know more. If he doesn’t, I’m not too concerned about it. If he says no, that’s fine. And if he says, yes, then I will tell him what I know without holding back. It means I will have to admit to things that will probably piss him off more, but at least he will know from me this time.

This is going to be a short entry again. I am about to go spend time with one of my dear friends of over a decade. It should be fun. My macros won’t like but I have a shit ton of veggies in the fridge to eat tomorrow when I need to offset my indulgent ways.

Every day I remind myself that it is getting better… and it is.


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