I had this goal of making sure I was mostly caught up by the time my former friend got in to work. Yeah, I failed. People kept bothering me or customers kept fucking shit up. I wasn’t standing around talking, and I was definitely hustling to get everything done. Instead, I think I left him an hour worth of work that he probably wouldn’t have had to do. And I felt so god damn guilty about it.
Was it entirely my fault? No, because some of if was beyond my control. I could not control someone being quite a few minutes late, nor could I control someone needing to go to the bathroom and not being able to wait for another person to show up less than 30 minutes later. Nor could I control the fact that there was overdue work from the night before. Did I probably assume it was worse than it was? Probably.
Even if it wasn’t him, I feel terrible leaving work behind. I like to finish things, and well, I did not get to that point. Sure, I could have blamed people and told him why I didn’t get done, but I don’t want to operate that way. Plus, I’m the one who didn’t finish that work, and that is ultimately nobody’s fault but mine. I hope he can be understanding of the fact that I did try so hard to get everything done, but I just couldn’t.
As bad as it sounds, sometimes I think it is better not to have to work with him directly. He actually has this reputation for bashing everyone, even his supposed “work friends.” When he was talking to me, he was attempting to complain about another coworker on medical leave. I was actually proud of myself for resisting the urge to bitch right along with him.
Sometimes, I wish a bit of this newer me could rub off on him. I mean, I am certainly not ignorant of the fact that life can be fucking shitty, but I don’t want to use it as a justification to be an asshole. I occasionally slip up, but for the most part, I am doing a very good job of holding myself to it. While I loved him dearly, he is very negative and tends to let that permeate other aspects of his life. It’s why he was so bad for me. Negativity is such a sweet poison, and I feel bad that he would rather poison himself than find a way to change.
It’s supposed to be absolutely fucking beautiful the next few days, and I am very excited about it. I love when the weather gets warmer, because it’s so nice to have the opportunity to walk outside and enjoy all the sunshine. Plus, maybe that dark death water will disappear and I can go enjoy the conservation district again. That would be awesome.
Anyway, it is almost 5 P.M., and I need to go make the sweet potato fries that go along with dinner. Maybe tomorrow, I will tell you a little bit about those, for those of you interested in the health and fitness part of my blog.