Weakness As An Agent to Produce Positive Change

Shit dudes. And dudettes… You know, if you’re one of those who doesn’t want to be a dude because gender or whatever. Like fucking hell in a hand-basket (Is that actually the phrase? I never fucking know) level use of “shit.”

We had a conversation. That ex-friend and myself. Like a fucking civil, non-work related conversation. About things that are happening in life. I couldn’t fucking handle it. Well, I did handle it, but internally, it was like everything was on fire, the fire department was on vacation (clearly, someone fucked up there), and everyone was running for their lives.

I can’t fall into this trap and fall in love with him so hard that I am incapable of controlling myself. He won’t love me, but he puts it under the guise of “can’t.” It is important to remind myself that I deserve better, because fuck being mistreated, again. I’m a god damn queen. Now where did I put my crown? You know, the one I made out of pipe cleaners and delusions?

I’m talking to a former coworker about this program she has been following for weight loss. We will see if I decide to take the full plunge in to it. I like the organic, self-paced idea of where I’m at in my weight loss journey… but, at the same time, the community aspect might be good to help motivate and encourage me.

Honestly, I think that’s why I check-in to my gym on my personal Facebook. I think I know that people seeing me hit the gym will keep me going, because then they can see that I’m doing it. And, if I don’t check in for a few days, they can go, “Hey, what’s going on?” I don’t want to do so much and then let them down.

Fuck, I’m using my fear of disappointing others to make myself do something good for me. That’s genius, Kelsey. I underestimated your power, bitch. Seriously, I am totally fucking impressed.

I think we would call this being resourceful. Overall, being afraid to let people down is a mixed bag, although, I would lean towards putting it in the “weakness” category. The reason I say that is because you’re not supposed to care what people think and all that crap. But, of course, I do.

So, here I am, using that to make positive change. I know that I care what people think, and now, I’ve obligated myself to continue to exercise at the gym because I don’t want to let others down. The best part? I actually love working out at the gym, and I am perfectly happy spending a few hours of my week in there.

Are you allowed to enjoy obligations? I am going to say yes, because you might as well if you have to do them.

Yeah, it’s 10 P.M. here, and that is basically way beyond my bedtime because I love going to bed early. Thankfully I don’t work tomorrow, so I can sleep in as late as my pretty ass desires.

Can’t wait to be here tomorrow, my WordPress people,

Kels

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