Losing Keys Like I Lose My Mind: Erratic and with a Lot of Swearing

I had work at 4 A.M. Yes, as in a good hour before the fucking sun starts making the sky change color this time of year.

So, at about 3:30 A.M., when I should be leaving, I lose my car key. By lose, I mean it falls out of my hand and ends up in an undisclosed location.

It is misting, but it looks vaguely like snow. Honestly, it might’ve been snow because it was cold enough. I’m refusing to believe it because May starts tomorrow, and I want to be focused on non-frozen precipitation.

Luckily, I have a spare car key, and I decide that I will use that after I have determined that the car key will not be a victim of the car’s weight. It wasn’t. Nor was it in the space I vacated after pulling the car into the street. I decided that I would continue to search at work, since the supervisor is rarely early.

Yeah, turned out, bitch was early. Basically, she arrived about a minute after I did. It gave me approximately .2 seconds of search time, which made the search a colossal failure. You know, because I had immense hope to find a car key in .2 seconds and all…

After several searches and a complete dump of my purse, the key was located. It somehow went from the passenger side, where I dropped from the vicinity of the door, to a nice, cozy spot right beside my seat belt… is it a holder, a lock? The thing you click the belt into… whatever that’s called, that’s what the fucking key was spooning.

I work at 4 A.M. again for the next two days. I should tape the key to my forehead before I enter my vehicle. You can’t lose a key that is taped to your forehead.

Did I mention that it didn’t really stop the misty and rainy crap? No? Well, yeah, it didn’t stop. My pants were a nice shade of water-logged black.

The optimist side is going, “You know what? This will be a funny story one day. I don’t know when… but one day.” So that’s why I’m writing it. Maybe “one day Kelsey” will go, “Bitch, you are hilarious.”

Hopefully, I have enough of a basic transition wardrobe. I even found underwear since I’m starting to get to that “saggy drawers” stage of life. That’s another silver lining… I think. Well, not the saggy drawers so much as the better fitting replacements.

Anyway, I’m tired and should probably get to doing things. I’ll be back and even more exhausted tomorrow! Ha ha!




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