I didn’t get up until almost 8 A.M. today, so the going to the gym on Saturday morning became an, “Meh. How about no?”
Also, my throat feels a bit swollen. I constantly feel like clearing it, which means I have some sort of virus or allergy-like thing. Damnit. I’ve gone months without getting sick. Maybe the stress is just catching up with me. Ok, not maybe… extremely likely. Damn this whole being human thing!
I found this lovely photo of my dogs. I thought it was adorable, so I would share it with you all as a random positive “Awww” factor to my blog. Of course, they hate humans that aren’t the family, so that’s about as cute as these antisocial princesses get. At least they seem to love each other.
Actually, it is coming up on the fourth anniversary of when we first got them, so maybe I will do a side-by-side that day, so you can all see where these monsters began. Time may be relative, but it sure seems like it flies.
I’m debating writing a novel. Ideas are bouncing in my head, and I would merely be in the research phase… but it’s an idea I’m taking relatively seriously. After all, if someone can take what was essentially Twilight fan-fiction and make it into a bestseller (with relatively poor writing as far as I’m concerned… sorry if any of you are obsessed with 50 Shades… but I’d rather swallow a dozen razor blades dipped in acid), then I can write something and see if anyone is interested.
My problem has always been being afraid to put myself out there. I want to hide in the background, keep my head down low, and stay ignored as long as possible. Yet, I also want to be noticed, and I want the people who know me to be proud that they know me. I want them to know that I care enough to be the best possible version of myself I can be for them, because they deserve my best.
Actually, the biggest reason I’ve ventured onto my health kick is for people who don’t even exist. I want my future husband to have a wife who takes care of herself and takes pride in being the best she can be. I want my future children to have a mom who can run around with them on a nice day. If I don’t work on those things, then I am failing them. Most importantly, I am failing myself because I know I am not giving what I could.
Maybe it’s a little crazy to think about people who aren’t even in your life as motivators to be better. Part of me stopped giving a fuck about that, though. I need to give myself what I deserve so that I can give more to the world around me.
I’m always going to be a recovering pessimist. Negativity is a part of life, because things get shitty in the world. I can let it bring me down and bury me in the muck. Honestly, that’s ok for a little while. We all need that moment where we think we feel that metaphorical sense of drowning.
I never pride myself for continuing to get back up, though. Even when it’s hard, I go through the motions. I might be sad and broken, but I don’t let it end me. I’m that rare kind of resilient, the kind that goes through emotional hell but still hasn’t managed to become a total asshole because of it. I need to be proud of that, because it is probably the one thing that has brought me this far in life.
I’m a fighter, and I am going to be ok.
Total aside… almost titled this in a very hilarious but inappropriate way. “Enemies” was initially “enemas” and I went, “Whoa, Kels! You better fix that shit!” Then, I started laughing because I made an unintended pun.
Thankfully, I somewhat edit these things before I post them; otherwise, you people would constantly be laughing at me… or marking me as inappropriate, depending on where you lie on the humor spectrum. I initially put “humour” there, because I do that from time to time, but spell-check knows I’m from the U.S., so it keeps underlining it and pointing out that I’m failing my fellow citizens.
That’s about it. My slightly enlarged throat and I are going to attempt to enjoy this beautiful, warm, and sunny day. Wish me luck.