The title sums up so much with me right now. It is about 1:30 A.M. when I am starting this entry, and while I am exhausted beyond fucking belief, I cannot seem to fall asleep.
There are some interesting things going on. I have an interview for a potential new job on Thursday. It is an office position, which I am not sure if I will enjoy it or not. I am in a much different mental space than I was the last time I took an office job.
Part of me is sad to leave the current job though. I don’t like the hours, and sometimes people get a bit condescending. But they do trust me with a lot of stuff now. However, I am getting paid less doing the same work as company employees. They get all sorts of benefits, and here I am, still waiting for the next hiring event 5 months after becoming eligible.
I mean, technically they had one in September, but then they withdrew it. The contract is 2 years and there’s no guarantee that I will be hired, no matter how good or bad I am (based on feedback, I will say I’m good at the job).
So I don’t necessarily want to leave, but I don’t want to keep waiting for something that isn’t guaranteed to happen by the end of 2 years. At this point, I would like something more stable than that. I have to do what’s best for me, right?
Speaking of, the guy is still not talking to me since I went at him about wanting less advice and more conversation. Maybe he is afraid to confront me. Maybe he is tired of me. I don’t want to have to keep starting this conversation for him to keep ignoring it. I’m too old for that shit.
So instead, I guess I’m in limbo. Or maybe I’m definitely single. I don’t know.
Well, I am going to attempt this sleep thing and hope I can get at least 5 or 6 hours tonight. Wish me luck.